//Cram Dis!

OK. So you’re probably walking around thinking that all poetry is HELLA SHIT, but you’re WRONG. Poetry CAN make a difference. It can make people fall in LOVE. It can make people CRY. It can make people RIOT. In a good way. It’s the fossil fuel of ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING.

Wow! That’s gnarly. And that’s just the tip of the skateboard. You may THINK that Homer’s Iliad is just the long boring death-rattle of a blind dicksplash, but The Illiad is STILL being played in households EVERY day across the world. The only difference is that nowadays its called SUPER MARIO. Crazy, huh? Next time you mount Yoshi, remember that.

Poetry is EVERYWHERE. Some people think it isn’t but they’re wrong because it is. IDIOTS. It’s all around you. Not just in Aisle16 but also in some other teenage stuff. Like BMXing and other stuff. And it’s not even boring because it rhymes most of the time like RAPPING, but without even using a beat! MENTAL!

Some people say they don’t need poetry, but they are LYING. Poetry can tell you about stuff, and even keep you out of DANGER. By that I mean that it can totally save your life. 24/7. That’s ALL the time. Like the poem below. There was a FIRE, and everybody who could read it ESCAPED, but all the others didn’t because they didn’t like to read poetry. They got confused and DEAD. So this poem totally saved lives. That’s STREET LEVEL. Check it:

Look around you
If there is no immediate danger
Await instructions from on-train staff
If you are in immediate danger
Remain on the train. Move to
Another coach if necessary
If one is not possible, leave
The train through the exterior doors
If one and two are not possible, leave
The train through a window.

Without that poem, everybody would be dead, and couldn’t read more poems, so poetry totally looks after its own. That’s GANGSTA.

So if somebody tries to say you shouldn’t read poems, or shouts at you for no reason because of your poems, then look at them. Their clothes are probably made of poetry or cloth. If they’re made of poetry, say ‘shut up, your clothes are made of poetry’. If they’re made of cloth, then tell them they’re stupid anyway.

Aisle16 have put together a few revision exercises so you guys can keep it RAW and HARDCORE on the poetry tip. Try a different exercise every night when you get in from school. REMEMBER: There are no right answers in poetry- Just really fucking stupid ones! If you get stuck, just copy down any old bullshit. Don’t blame the player, blame the game. FACE!

Revision Exercise ( A )

Use the following first lines to write limericks:

a.) A dentist from Burton-on-Trent…
b.) There was an Edwardian hat stand…
c.) Pirates use caves for skulduggery…
d.) The day that my towel went stiff…

Revision Exercise ( B )

Unscramble these authors’ names:

a.) TOILETS
b.) ANDREM WARVELL
c.) SGNIMMUC E E
d.) WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS

Revision Exercise ( C )

Fill in the gaps to complete these sentences:

a.) The Wasteland is about ______________ . It uses _____________ .
b.) James Joyce was _________ with a _________ kind of _________ .
c.) _________ wrote Paradise ______ to annoy his _______________ .
d.) _______ is ________ . Why does _______ smell like __________ ?

Revision Exercise ( D )

Solve these poetic predicaments:

a.) Within the context of a riverbank, how do you feel about your next birthday?
b.) How do you love thee? Now count the ways.